The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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