I just pynch a tree in the face
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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