I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
