I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
