we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
