she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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