About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize