yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
