I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
