If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
