I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
