Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
