my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize
