So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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