OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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