i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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