..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
