dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
