That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
