if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
