So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize