Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
