We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
