Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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