It's Friday. Sex?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
