anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
