And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
