I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
