i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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