just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
