thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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