i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
