Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
