My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
