Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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