So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pooping to opera.
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