yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
