I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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