I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
