I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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