The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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