4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
