break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
