I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
