In the future we'll all be gay
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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