He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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