Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
