They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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