so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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