I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
