when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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