After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
