The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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