OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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