I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
