i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
