In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
