just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
