bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
