a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high