My friends, they love my intelligence
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
