Wipe that smile off your face.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE