weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
