I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
