how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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