So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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