I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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