i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
