genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
