Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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