I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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