Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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