did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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