and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
PANTIES FOUND
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize