the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
