I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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