I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
