i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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