I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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