I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
