Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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