Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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