This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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